More useful things to remember.

Mark on Relationships:
A few things that must be remembered at most times in a relationship
Rule #1: No one is perfect - this means you as well as your partner. we all have flaws, they
make us human, and in a lot of ways unique. Dealing with your imperfections makes
you mature, dealing with your partners drives you crazy, but also matures the
relationship ... assuming that it's got a healthy mix of love, understanding etc. which
lead to rule number 2.

Rule #2: No relationship is prefect - prefect relationships don't require effort, and only happen
in story books, not real life. Assuming healthy mix of good stuff (see Rule #1) and minimal
flaws (or at least compatible/complimentary ones) very little work is necessary but I haven't
see too damn many of those, probably about 1% of relationships are like this. The rest of
the statistical population have to bust their asses to make things work. Relationships are
partnerships (I'm talking marriages and other long term/permanent types here) where BOTH
partners have to work equally hard to overcome the imperfections that their personalities
throw into the mix. Failing to work together for the common good is a big mistake. Which
leads us to rule number 3.

Rule #3: Feces Occurs - that is to say, mistakes will be made and so will completely random
(holy shit, no one is to blame) events will put a shoe in the works. Mistakes can be dealt with
once the nature of the animal is understood (i.e. What was the mistake exactly, why was it
made, and what is the solution.) in many cases the solution is to forgive and forget, however
in just as many cases something will need to be done. In the cases of random feces sticking
the rotating blades? That also depends on the nature of the feces. Sometimes though the
random feces points to a mistake or makes a unresolved mistake worse.

Rule #4: Honesty is good, even necessary, for the relationship ... but it also needs to be tempered
with tact ... brutal, unrelenting honesty can do a lot of damage to egos and subsequently to trust.
If you think it might be hurtful to say something, do everything you can to cushion the blow before
you throw it.

Rule #5: Relationships (of any variety) are built one thing, not love, but trust. They cannot survive
without it. They need love but remove trust and it all falls down like a house of cards and all the
love in the world won't save it. Mistakes, random feces, and mishandles honesty can all damage
or destroy trust, it's a fragile thing. On the other hand, trust is also a choice: We choose to trust
those we love ... or at least until they give us reasons not to anymore, and even then we can
forgive and continue to trust them (hopefully a bit more realistically and carefully, but trust them
none the less). I've been through a couple of losses of trust, on both sides of the loss: it ain't
fun, it sure as hell ain't pretty and it takes a long time to recover from. Be careful with it.

While I'm on the subject of trust ... and in reference to something you said about the lifestyle
that I think might be based on a fairly common misconception about BDSM.

The "inequality" in a bondage relationship is based on (yes, you guessed it) trust ... matter
of fact these relationships (at least in my view) are celebrations of that trust. However, the
inequality is an illusion (again my view) the bottom (submissive, slave or whatever title you
wanna use) gives up control to the Top (Dominant, Master, or whatever title you wanna use
here too) and trusts him to stay within certain limits of behavior and activity that the sub is
comfortable with. If the Top exceeds those limits, the bottom can take back that control.
So in a way, the sub is actually the one in control. How is the Top trusting the bottom? you
ask. That's a bit more involved, one of the big ones is not to call the cops *wink* but there
are others; like honest reactions, feedback and communication so that he does not stray
over the line unknowingly but still gives her (and as result himself) a fulfilling and pleasurable
experience.

Guess I should have framed that "Mark on Bondage" but I'll save that for a few years when
I write a book.

*hugs and ruffles*
keep your eye on your compass, and steer your course

M

Now for something completely different...

Theifed from Morfeusz (who can be found on my friends page; I'm too bloody lazy to link. Sorry, dear!):

A physicist, a chemist, and a biologist visit the sea for the very first time.
The physicist is stunned by the waves, and decides to research the fluid dynamics of the waves. He walks into the ocean and doesn't come back.
The biologist decides to study the flora and the fauna found under the sea. He walks into the ocean and doesn't come back.
The chemist, after much thought, pulls out her little notebook, and writes in it "The physicist and the biologist are soluable in ocean water."

~grin~ *that* one makes up for my 1030 flaking.
Thank you.