Adrift...

[home_and_away]

Well.
There's one more milestone...

Dae's first day of daycare/preschool is today. I just got back from dropping him off...

It's so funny how different he is from how I was as a squeak his age.

When my mom took me to a daycare for the first time, I'd beam at everyone and hope...when she came to get me that evening, I'd swarm up her legs "So glad to see you; get me out of here." And it would be downhill from there. Because though I was gregarious, I just wasn't very social. And I was a bit of a snob as a squeak.

But Dae...There's nothing elitist about my baby. Opinionated and stubborn, yes. Elitist, no. And he's such a social little creature...but he was a hair's breadth away from hiding behind my legs when we got to his room. I know this afternoon, I'll have to pry him out of there, away from the books and the kids and the fun... But this morning, it was understanding smiles and "Just let him go, Mom; we'll be fine," from the tall, serene woman who wrangles his age group. So I hug him tight and kiss his nose, remind him I'll be back this afternoon.

And she touches his shoulders, ushers him into the room, distracts him with new things to play with and new people to meet. The amoeba of squeakers wraps a pseudopod around my boyo and takes him in, and he goes willingly, telling them all about the green dragon he made that's guarding mama's car.

I thank the tiny little girl who was holding the door open so that it didn't have to rest on my back. She smiles, closes the door behind me when I back out.

And then I'm adrift.
I have an entire day ahead of me with no nap battle in sight.
It should be Fiddler's Green, a day to do office things, art things, girl things, and then go pick up my boyo and do mom things...

And you know, I'll be happy about it eventually. Maybe after I've had to pry him away from the amoeba and I know he likes it there.
But right now?

I just miss my baby.