Just Another Freak in the Freak Kingdom

Abridged version of the conversation that brightened my day today:

Mark: You have fun tonight. Just let all the sweet-eyed boys know that you're taken, huh?

Me: ~snort, small laugh~ No worries. I'll radiate the "cute but not worth your kneecaps to try" vibe.

M: Worth your spine.
me: What, "watch your back, 'cause I'll be chewin' on it", like? (I keep forgetting he hasn't seen Ice Age and doesn't catch the quote...doh.)
M: Rip it out if they mess with you. ;)
me: ...~snicker and grin~ You realise that in the mood I'm in right now, I'd want to save it to make a candlestick out of.
M: I know... ... ...And before you ask, NO.
me: What, no? ~innocent tone~
M: No buying dummy skeletons and turning their spines into votive holders.
me: Oh... ... Okay, how about if I can put hands on actual vertebrae? It'd cost, but I'm pretty sure I could do--
M: No.
me: But it'd be so pre--
M: No. I'd be nervous of what'd come along with an actual spine. So no.
me: So the dummy one...?

Just Sick Enough to be Totally Confident

Abridged version of the conversation that made my evening a little brighter:

Me: Dr. Pepper's not to drink straight, either. It makes a decent marinade when mixed with A-1 and lemon juice. A mean float when mixed with vanilla ice-cream. It'll get you good and fuzzy, mixed with whiskey. But don't use the expensive stuff, because that's a horrible thing to do to good whiskey. Get the cheap shyte that comes in plastic gallon bottles with the screw-off lids.

Tom: Oh, like the cheapass vodka they use to sterilise cat nipples?
....~dead silence~
Me and Kim: Cat. Nipples. ?
T: Or baby bottle nipples, or, y'know, piercings?
me: To sterilise. Cat. Nipples. ... Baby, how d'you get it to stay still long enough to do that?
K: And what're you gonna do with it after?
T: No, really, that's...
me: Cat nipples. How'd you pick that brand o' vodka?
T: There's a story here! It's not what you guys're thinking!
me: Nono. Stop talking--I've got to get this down...