![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
home_and_away~Now you come to me
Tell me you’ve been thinking
And we’re back where we began
Was it not enough
That I loved you?
And we’re back where we began~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woke up waaay too early yesterday. Don't even remember why...no, wait, yeah I do--Ma had to go to work, and she was giving me final how-to-get-out-of-Nashville directions. So yeah, it was 7:something and I had nothing better to do than be awake. got online a while. took a bath. Around 8:30, I called Adam to wake him up since he hadn't called me. Bless the hour's difference in time, otherwise he'd've been *so* snarly...~grin~ Love when he gets snarly; hims so cu-u-u-te. ~wink~
And we talked for a while...~soft smile~ I've got to consider calling to wake him up more often, if that's the conversation it sparks...
So anyway, when we hung up, I remembered that Ma had said Dani knew I was in town and would be waiting to hear from me... Rewind: For the past Three-and-a-little years, Dani has been my best friend. Last year, I promise you he was the one thing that kept me sane. With the exception of my mother and my beloved Adam, I've never been closer to anyone than I have been to Dani... Unfortunately, as a poem that I read in gradeschool states, "I'm a good lover, but a bad friend," and we haven't really talked since Thanksgiving... So I called him...
Frankly?
It sucked. We were like two strangers someone connected with phone wire and told to act like old friends, only one of us had more information about the other and wasn't exactly pleasant about that fact... I was stilted, unnatural. He was a cynical ass. No doubt we were both thinking, "God, what happened to my friend?" It almost physically hurt to talk to him. But I did it anyway...
He mentioned that he worked with his girlfriend. "Guess where we met," he said.
"The movies?"
"...don't make me hurt you."
"A restaurant."
"One more of those, and I'm going to drive over to your house just to smack you."
"National park?"
"...okay, I'm going to get in my car." ~*click*~
Silence...I hung up and posted 'Heads'. Right as I hit Update, there came a tapping as if someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. 'Tis Dani, I muttered, here to even up his score, only this and nothing more... (Katya lent me James O'Barr's Crow...it's...ironic and bittersweet, and not helping dissipate this mood. I'm waiting for it to rain now...) So I got up and went to the door.
"Are you gonna smack me?" I ask through the spyhole.
He nods.
"Just not the face, alright?"
He shakes his head.
"That mean you're gonna go for the face?"
He shrugs.
"Damn it." And I open the door.
He taps my left temple just hard enough to let me know it's been done, then salutes, turns, gets back into his car, backs out of my driveway, and leaves.
I bloody watch him drive away.
.....
...
.
.
.
I wished he'd decked me or something. Something to make the ten-minute drive from his doorstep to my mom's half worth it. I mean, if you're going to go that far out of your way to strike me, then bloody *strike* me! Physically, literally. Something worth the time and effort. Something I can get angry about. None of this emotional shit to make me realise that my oldest friend thinks the only way to reach me is to attack me...
.
.
...
.....
A few minutes later, he's at my door again...and I open it, look up at him. "You gonna smack me again?"
"Probably not."
"Thank you."
He gestures at my chest, where my hennaed Northwind sigil floats just above the neckline. "Not to be rude, but is that..."
"Not permanent."
"Oh."
"Come on in."
And we sit across from eachother, strangers again. I don't know how to ask what made him diamond-sharp, I don't know how to apologise for not making time for him in my life. I don't even know if it matters to him. I mean, before I left, he said he was my friend and would be until I told him to go away, and even then he'd still be my friend and be back at my side if I ever asked him to. But that was before I left, you know? Yeah, I've got his number, but he's got mine, too...
It was stilted and unnatural, and nobody's fault but mine, though. We became two totally different people while my back was turned, and I didn't think to look until the change was done.
And I don't know how to make it right between us.
And it hurts.
Told Adam about it when I got home this morning @ 1:00... "Have you talked to him about this?" he asked, and I'm thinking ~when would I have done this? Before or after I realise that my Surfology guru has traded in his board for...God only knows what...cars, blue hair, pierced everything, tattooed everything else. Money. I don't know...~
~*Did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?*~
Which reminds me of *another* friend I've been neglecting...oi...
But anyway, Adam sighed, said, "Then babe, when you get back from school tomorrow, come home and call him. Talk to him."
And he's right.
But frankly, I'm a coward. So I e-mailed Dani instead. Said, Okay, yesterday was really really odd. Can I try that again from the top? and proceeded to introduce myself as if to a stranger.
It'll spark either a conversation or a go-to-hell. I deserve the latter. I'm not really sure which I'm hoping for... Probably the stupidest move I've made this month, but for richer or poorer, there it is...
I'm glad Cat came to school before I could leave today. If it weren't for friends who keep me, I doubt I'd have any at all. Lazy, selfish git, I am, eh? So...~hugs the catgirl~ Thank you.
......
....
..
Anyway, I'm being kicked out sweetly. ~halfgrin~ Speaking of which, the concert kicked several differing varieties of tail, and a thorough review is pending... Take care, all.
Never lose an opportunity to make the people you care about *feel* cared about.
~*J.
Tell me you’ve been thinking
And we’re back where we began
Was it not enough
That I loved you?
And we’re back where we began~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woke up waaay too early yesterday. Don't even remember why...no, wait, yeah I do--Ma had to go to work, and she was giving me final how-to-get-out-of-Nashville directions. So yeah, it was 7:something and I had nothing better to do than be awake. got online a while. took a bath. Around 8:30, I called Adam to wake him up since he hadn't called me. Bless the hour's difference in time, otherwise he'd've been *so* snarly...~grin~ Love when he gets snarly; hims so cu-u-u-te. ~wink~
And we talked for a while...~soft smile~ I've got to consider calling to wake him up more often, if that's the conversation it sparks...
So anyway, when we hung up, I remembered that Ma had said Dani knew I was in town and would be waiting to hear from me... Rewind: For the past Three-and-a-little years, Dani has been my best friend. Last year, I promise you he was the one thing that kept me sane. With the exception of my mother and my beloved Adam, I've never been closer to anyone than I have been to Dani... Unfortunately, as a poem that I read in gradeschool states, "I'm a good lover, but a bad friend," and we haven't really talked since Thanksgiving... So I called him...
Frankly?
It sucked. We were like two strangers someone connected with phone wire and told to act like old friends, only one of us had more information about the other and wasn't exactly pleasant about that fact... I was stilted, unnatural. He was a cynical ass. No doubt we were both thinking, "God, what happened to my friend?" It almost physically hurt to talk to him. But I did it anyway...
He mentioned that he worked with his girlfriend. "Guess where we met," he said.
"The movies?"
"...don't make me hurt you."
"A restaurant."
"One more of those, and I'm going to drive over to your house just to smack you."
"National park?"
"...okay, I'm going to get in my car." ~*click*~
Silence...I hung up and posted 'Heads'. Right as I hit Update, there came a tapping as if someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. 'Tis Dani, I muttered, here to even up his score, only this and nothing more... (Katya lent me James O'Barr's Crow...it's...ironic and bittersweet, and not helping dissipate this mood. I'm waiting for it to rain now...) So I got up and went to the door.
"Are you gonna smack me?" I ask through the spyhole.
He nods.
"Just not the face, alright?"
He shakes his head.
"That mean you're gonna go for the face?"
He shrugs.
"Damn it." And I open the door.
He taps my left temple just hard enough to let me know it's been done, then salutes, turns, gets back into his car, backs out of my driveway, and leaves.
I bloody watch him drive away.
.....
...
.
.
.
I wished he'd decked me or something. Something to make the ten-minute drive from his doorstep to my mom's half worth it. I mean, if you're going to go that far out of your way to strike me, then bloody *strike* me! Physically, literally. Something worth the time and effort. Something I can get angry about. None of this emotional shit to make me realise that my oldest friend thinks the only way to reach me is to attack me...
.
.
...
.....
A few minutes later, he's at my door again...and I open it, look up at him. "You gonna smack me again?"
"Probably not."
"Thank you."
He gestures at my chest, where my hennaed Northwind sigil floats just above the neckline. "Not to be rude, but is that..."
"Not permanent."
"Oh."
"Come on in."
And we sit across from eachother, strangers again. I don't know how to ask what made him diamond-sharp, I don't know how to apologise for not making time for him in my life. I don't even know if it matters to him. I mean, before I left, he said he was my friend and would be until I told him to go away, and even then he'd still be my friend and be back at my side if I ever asked him to. But that was before I left, you know? Yeah, I've got his number, but he's got mine, too...
It was stilted and unnatural, and nobody's fault but mine, though. We became two totally different people while my back was turned, and I didn't think to look until the change was done.
And I don't know how to make it right between us.
And it hurts.
Told Adam about it when I got home this morning @ 1:00... "Have you talked to him about this?" he asked, and I'm thinking ~when would I have done this? Before or after I realise that my Surfology guru has traded in his board for...God only knows what...cars, blue hair, pierced everything, tattooed everything else. Money. I don't know...~
~*Did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?*~
Which reminds me of *another* friend I've been neglecting...oi...
But anyway, Adam sighed, said, "Then babe, when you get back from school tomorrow, come home and call him. Talk to him."
And he's right.
But frankly, I'm a coward. So I e-mailed Dani instead. Said, Okay, yesterday was really really odd. Can I try that again from the top? and proceeded to introduce myself as if to a stranger.
It'll spark either a conversation or a go-to-hell. I deserve the latter. I'm not really sure which I'm hoping for... Probably the stupidest move I've made this month, but for richer or poorer, there it is...
I'm glad Cat came to school before I could leave today. If it weren't for friends who keep me, I doubt I'd have any at all. Lazy, selfish git, I am, eh? So...~hugs the catgirl~ Thank you.
......
....
..
Anyway, I'm being kicked out sweetly. ~halfgrin~ Speaking of which, the concert kicked several differing varieties of tail, and a thorough review is pending... Take care, all.
Never lose an opportunity to make the people you care about *feel* cared about.
~*J.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-05-06 08:22 pm (UTC)Katya, huh? your the second one to choose the russian version of my day.
and i feel bad for it, but i must correct your lyrics. Wish you were here is significant in my life.
"Did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?"
followup...
Date: 2002-06-10 01:53 pm (UTC)As for Dani... I'm recieving what I gave--silence.
It fits.
At least it's not an outright go-to-hell...but I kindof think it is, anyway...
~sigh~ It's what happens, though...
~ponders for a moment...~shrugs~shambles off...~