Life is never, ever dull...
Sep. 13th, 2005 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
home_and_awayDamn it, I'm going to have to pay for this.
The shop opens next Tuesday. I know next to nothing about what's to be expected of me, but I've gotten this far on faith and professionalism; if the Divine continues to smile on me (or at least laugh fondly at me), they'll get me through a little further.
So I've got a business card worked up. Simple, sleek, not graphic heavy, not shrieking "I rolled off a Printmaster Template!!!". Unique. Exactly the way I want it.
Printing this should be as easy as 1) buying the cardstock and 2)getting the page setup straight. I've done things like this before for my mother and the Eastern Star. This is two hours' work, max.
Except when it's not.
I swear, my mother's printer is posessed by some minor demon trying to work his way to the deeper rings of the Abyss. Because seriously, Lord of Fucking Over Printers is, as job titles go, about as intimidating as Death of Being Wrestled to Death by Steve. Who this guy pissed off to get busted back to Printers is anybody's guess, but it must've been bad...
First it doesn't want to recognise margins. It just merrily prints away, starting at one edge and going till I realise what's happening. No worries; we'll compensate for this; we can make this work. So then it decides to give a token quarter-inch margin. Further examination of the finished product shows the text and the graphic to be nowhere near as clear as anticipated. Colour registration's off, making a faint haze of cyan, magenta, and yellow around the black bits, rendering the kanji sitting front and centre unrecognisable.
...
Yeah. YOU spend two years married to someone in the printing business, see if your standards don't get just a bit more strict.
So there we are.
There's no winning. Or if there is, I don't know how to do it.
Damn it, I'm going to have to pay for this.
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Adventures in Squeaker-Wrangling
The little man has a bead, a little teal plastic bead, that he chews on periodically. He chews on it, we catch him chewing on it, we make him spit it out, he screams, then he gets distracted, and we all go on about our business. When he's sufficiently distracted, whichever of us took the bead away puts it down somewhere random and forgets about it until he comes across it again and starts to chew on it. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
It's not a big thing. If, one day, he swallows it, it's small enough to pass through his system with only minor discomfort. I've seen kernels of corn bigger than this thing pass through unscathed. We don't get into too much of a row over it.
Today, he spat it out of his own accord. We praised our good lad, thank you for spitting out the bead!, and then marvelled at how he just walked around with it in his hand. Isn't that sweet? Then we went back to our lunches and didn't think much more about it.
Until he started sneezing.
Waitwait. Sneezing? And his eyes are watering, the left more than the right.
Where's the bead?
Yeah.
So we call the local ER (have I told you about the local ER? the ones who can't tell the difference between PID and a case of E. coli food poisoning? Real gems, this lot, but they're what we've got...) and outline the situation, ask if they take TennCare. The receptionist's response? "Oh honey, you need to get him seen right away. We don't have an ENT--you know, an ear, nose, and throat doctor--we don't have one here, but you need to get him seen. Don't worry about the cost, just take care of your baby."
Okay.
One: We don't have the shotgun necessary to shoot the fly you're offering us, but it does indeed need to be shot, and quickly.
Two: What kind of mercenary harpy are you that you want to know whether or not his health coverage will encompass our inept attempt at aide? Do you think we'd overcharge you?
(do you want an answer?)
"Thank you, ma'am"
and click.
Calling the next ER out (this would be the one that mistook a heartattack for a flare up of arthritis, gave a woman two aspirin, and sent her home to die.) was a little better: I told our story to three people before I got a "Yeah, that's no problem. We take TennCare and we deal with these all the time. Come on in." But I got one.
So we did.
Filled out the intake forms and sat in the waiting room for an hour and a half.
Dae's perfectly content to have a chunk of plastic wedged in the left side of his nasal cavity, so we're playing in the waiting room while we wait to be called back.
And I bounce him on my knee. And I tip him backwards. And I tickle him.
And he snorts in laughter and coughs out the tiny teal bead.
Mom retrieved it and disposed of it in the nearest rubbish bin.
When we got home, the only evidence of the adventure was the ID band around his ankle.
...
---
...
Life is never, ever dull.
One of these days, I'm going to work up an image combining Kali with the Virgin Mary. Work it up like one of those patron saint medallions. And around the edge, inscribe OUR LADY OF INTERESTING TIMES.
And when I die, maybe I'll be granted the illustrious title of Lord of Fucking Over Printers.
Happy 13th, everybody.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-14 09:01 pm (UTC)~wry smile~
Date: 2005-09-15 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-15 05:01 pm (UTC)Kali and the virgin mary.
I want an our lady of interesting times. very Tom Robbins of you. ^_^
(you should be reading Skinny Legs and All)
~grin~
Date: 2005-09-16 06:16 pm (UTC)~snuggles the catgirl~
Tom Robbins.
You've pointed out this bloke's books before, and I want to say
Who can hook me up? :D
DIY != simple
Date: 2005-09-17 05:29 am (UTC)Sorry to hear that you con't grok a desktop printer = )
Are you still running that piece of shit computer I put together for you? Hopefully you're running something better... Anyways, are you using Neato or Avery cardstock? They have templates (http://www.avery.com/us/downloads/ideas/c_bizn_white_frt_bo01.exe) on their website. They're in Microsoft Word format, but you can modify 'em with Open Office (http://mirrors.isc.org/pub/openoffice/stable/1.1.5/OOo_1.1.5_Win32Intel_install.zip) (did I install OO, I forget).
The alternative, make a PDF (https://createpdf.adobe.com/cgi-country.pl?BP=&LOC=en_US&sourcecode=106578) of a single card and email it to me. I'll work some Photoshop/Quark magic™ and set up a 8.5x11" sheet that you can print with some cutout hints. I'll either:
a) email it back to you, if it's not too big
b) put it on the FTP server so you can get to it
If you're interested, let me know in my journal. I've got the spam filters tightened down and I'm not sure your email'll get through 'til I whitelist you.
So, Dae stuck a bead up his nose huh? Before you know it he'll be climbing trees, jumping his bicycle off of ridiculous ramps and then, one day, he'll discover fire. You'll worry and he'll be just fine.
Is he old enough for a slingshot as a birthday present? ;)
Simple, yes. Easy, not so much...
Date: 2005-09-17 06:59 pm (UTC)Actually, the one you set up for us (ah, the sweet little More Than Just a Paperweight ~sigh, smile~) is still in Adam's posession. I'm working with my mom's. Turns out it's a hardware problem with the printer itself... we've got a couple of other options to exhaust, but consider yourself hugged for the offer; I may wind up taking you up on it yet. :)
So how're you and yours?
Re: Simple, yes. Easy, not so much...
Date: 2005-09-18 12:36 pm (UTC)I figure that these desktop printer companies are taking a hit by selling the printers for cheap so that they can make money on the refills. Every new printer comes with an ink cartridge and the whole kit is cheaper than a refill, so, you do the math.
When they get tired of losing money on guys like me, they'll go back to the old way and charge a lot for a printer that will last until the heat death of the sun and refills will cost a nickel.
We (FINALLY, HALLELUJAH!!!), got completely moved in and unpacked a couple of weeks ago, got the internet turned on (obviously) and have foresworn any trips to Pulaski for a couple of weeks. I still have to get new tags for the truck, but I've got time.
We've been working a lot of overtime, I have 50+ hours for the last few weeks. We work 9.5 hrs so they don't have to give us an extra break, and I've worked every Saturday but two since I've been there, but all of those things are nice. I make a little more than I did at the web and I actually get some hours in during the week. All that time, working my ass off and not making any money, all that's changed.
Madonna's working out there too, different department, but she likes it. Most days anyway. Her department works round the clock and no Saturdays, so she gets plenty of time to watch movies and play her games and do whatever.
We're slowly chipping away at the debt we've incurred over the last three years and not breaking the bank in the process. Plus, we're actually able to afford to go out now and get each other things. Plus the town's got more to do than Pulaski, even though we haven't really taken the time to go exploring.
I dunno. We're doing really well. Been working too much to get out and meet new people, but its all a matter of time. I'm in no rush.
Easy, yes. Simple, not so much...
Date: 2005-09-18 12:40 pm (UTC)Re: Easy, yes. Simple, not so much...
Date: 2005-09-18 01:00 pm (UTC)speakin' o' which...
You guys ever make any headway on the bawdy T-shirt ideas you were kicking around a few months ago?
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Makes me grin to hear the new setup's working well for you. Makes me grin a lot. Give M. a hug for me, will you?
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Ma was just saying roughly the same thing about the whole "Screw it; I can buy a new one for less than the cost of ink" thing. I give it about a month of incubating before anything gets done with the idea. :)